The Line

I couldn't leave it alone.  I couldn't leave him alone.  I wanted to do something nice for his birthday.   I wanted to do something nice for myself.  I want him back.  I just want him back.  He cut off my phone line because I wasn't respecting his wish that I leave him alone.

This was after I went to his apartment to drop off birthday balloons and a letter I wrote.  I thought maybe if I wrote a letter he would read it.  I don't know how he can read the things I write and not soften his heart.  I don't think he's reading my emails.  He didn't know I'd sent him instructions for how to get out of the family plan.

We were on a family plan.  We were family.  We should still be.  At one point he said to me, "I'm your family, but I'm not your lover."  I said, "I have two sisters already, I don't need another one."  I need my man.  I need to see him and to feel him breathe.  Nothing is right in the world.

There was a wedding across the alley tonight.  Loud, raucous music and the sound of revelry filled the neighborhood.  I turned on my air conditioner to try to drown it out.  A bottle of wine and a big meal of poutine helped me pass out.  That's about as good as I can hope.

I really thought that if I just showed him how much it mattered to me through persistence and determination he would take me back.  I really want him to take me back.  His friends were being very kind to me today.  I guess my public misery and depravity are getting negative attention.  I'm so lonely.  I don't want to be alone.

I feel alone even when other people are around.  I feel alone without him.  I feel so alone.